No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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