OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
