When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
