No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
