I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I need to stop coming to work sober
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
