why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
