So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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