Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
