but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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