dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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