So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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