Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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