do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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