Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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