I've blown a few things in my day
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
did i just pee glitter
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
