Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize