I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
