Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
