Swine flu. Run for my life!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
