I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
