All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dear god my vagina.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
