Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
