Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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