Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
