First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
third nipple confirmed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
