i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
