1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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