you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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