i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Your penis caused this!
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