I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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