Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
