Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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