I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
