If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
