Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
