just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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