I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
