I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
