you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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