We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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