too bad you live with your parents still
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
