how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
