tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
