Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
