im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
