Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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