VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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