Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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