Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
