i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
