So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
