he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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