His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
