ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need to calm my uterus...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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