there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
