Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
