Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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