You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
