nut hugger
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize