Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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