We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize