Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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