Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
