He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
