My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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